Patronage and Popularity—a response to Paul Graham’s “Why Nerds are Unpopular”

In his essay “Why Nerds are Unpopular”, Paul Graham concludes that nerds are unpopular because they don’t want to be popular or realize how much it takes to be accepted into the norm. While I am not contesting this argument, I do believe an explanation of the way popularity works in middle schools would also be beneficial. As far as I knew, popularity was a disease that changed people into an accepted mold, with no thought. I later realized that such a view was simplistic and undignified, as it did not treat others with dignity for their thought. As Graham says, it takes work to be popular. Just because someone doesn’t focus on the things I focus on (work, etc.) doesn’t mean they don’t focus at all. The more I think about the way people behave, though, the more the system seems to resemble a system of political patronage, where powerful individuals reward the less powerful (in politics, often with power) in exchange for support—this might explain why, although one might be friends with another who is extremely popular, that person would not necessarily gain power from it. In the system I grew up in, there were a few core individuals with inherent social power (due to status as ‘jocks’ or ‘cool’)—everyone else had variable power. After a while, though, they tended to cluster in groups (or camps) behind a single leader (even if they may have had friends from other camps), whom they would be loyal to—for example, in group projects, when decisions were made by consensus, it was noticed that they tended to side with members of their camp, unless the leader was not with them. This developed a patron-like relationship between the two—the leader would endorse the friend with power, accentuating their reputation and ties. Thus, both would benefit—the leader would have his opinions absolute over a group, while the group would enjoy popularity. However, if one was a mere friend with such a leader, one would not share those benefits. Patron relationships were fluid—one, by giving up their support, would lose a patron and thus any popularity they may have had. This is a reason why we are so unpopular—we either do not understand, or wish to participate, in the system of patronage.